"the way a mother’s heart works is like having individual hearts for each child, and when one is broken, it cannot be made whole by another. It must heal on its own"
I read this post last Friday as I was doing my news rounds on Yahoo and it resonated with me. No matter when I actually get pregnant I will NEVER FORGET the two babies that went to live with God. When you find out that there is or was life within you, your world changes. Your view of the world changes. Your capacity to love changes. Instantaneously your heart grows a place for the love of that life to live. No matter if that life is short or long that love place will always be there.
When I think today about the love space that I have for my two angel babies I wonder sometimes, Am I a Mother? Does "Mother" mean you physically have mothered a child? I've done that. I have plenty of children that I've nurtured in my life as if I was a mother. Does "Mother" mean you have carried a life within you? I've done that. Twice. Does "Mother" mean you've given birth to a miniature version of yourself? I have NOT done that. Does this exclude me from that group that I so desperately want to be a part of? Is that weird? I always feel a bit weird about this question.
After the first miscarriage I made a art canvas to commemorate my first pregnancy. When I had the second miscarriage the "mother" question started to persistently bother me. I happened to see this ring in a James Avery catalog and I instantly loved it. I wanted it but I didn't know if it would be appropriate. Would people understand why I was wearing it? Would I be constantly asked why I was wearing this ring since I didn't have a baby? I also thought about a Pandora charm for my charm bracelet. That would be more discrete and offer a bit more privacy but this was a backup plan. And it wasn't my first choice.
Has anyone else had this question after a miscarriage and before they had another baby? What do you think?
Katy, thank you so much for your compassion. It's fantastic that you guys can get pregnany easily. I would certainly worry about unexpected blessings in that case. Lol. Also thank you for reading.